When people ask me about my story, I don't always know what to tell them. My story is being written every day, and sometimes I don't even know how I got to where I am. I can't remember the first time my mental illnesses emerged.
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As a child a lot of questions went unanswered for me - why was my sister almost outcasted from her school for no apparent reason or why was it that I was always expected to have a practiced charm and be constantly nice to her?
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From shattering mirrored doors out of rage, to crying myself to sleep, mental illness controlled my life for many years. Fighting against my illness was a long, painful journey, but it has grown me to be a stronger person and has given me the ability to relate to so many people suffering with similar struggles.
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Experiencing OCD is like being stuck in a washing machine and not knowing how to end the cycle. You’ll keep doing the same thing over and over without knowing how to stop yourself from doing it. You might be wondering at this point, how is that possible? Just intend to end the task and stop your limbs from moving, right? Believe me when I say I wish it were so.
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I am the mother of a 12 year old boy with PDD. All I can say after 7 years of receiving his diagnosis (after much parent advocacy) is that I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing "what's wrong with him?", "I thought autistic children didn't talk", "he seems normal to me", "he should be able to do that at his age", "what do you want me to do, prescribe medicine?"
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My daughter is 24 years old and she has autism and mild mental retardation. When she was sixteen she also developed epilepsy and has grand mal seizures since then. My experience parenting a child with a developmental disability I would call a journey. A journey with many twists and unexpected turns.
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In December 1995 at 7 years old, I was diagnosed with liver failure, and within 6 days I had only 10 percent chance of surviving. The transplant was successful, and ever since then my liver has been fine.
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At 16, I was diagnosed as bipolar, and since then I have been treated with both medication and therapy. Accepting the fact that I will have to take medicine for the rest of my life has not been the easiest task.
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I was a happy baby. Content. Cheerful. Pleasant. As I grew older, that bright side of me remained but a darkness infiltrated my being. It was a cancer of negativity in my thoughts. It wasn’t just my brain. Depression runs in my blood. Both my father and his mother struggle with this disease. My father bravely battles while still achieving worldly success in the medical field.
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It is funny how one event can completely change your life expectations, idea of happiness or outlook on life. As a 35-year-old mom of two, I admit to having felt flustered and worried most of the time, trying my best to hold down a full-time job while raising two toddlers alongside my husband, who also had a full-time job. It was usually with a mixture of tiredness, happiness and a little guilt that I would run over the day’s events when I turned the light off, wondering if I was letting down my work, children or husband, despite my never-ending race to fulfill all their expectations.
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Have you ever waited for someone who excused themselves for the restroom? Probably have, but the experiences have been varied. For some the wait was short and hardly noticed, for others it was a tad bit annoying, while for others yet, it prompted the question “What took you so long?” Right? Sadly for my friends and family, the last question was always guaranteed whenever I excused myself, even if it wasn’t voiced.
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