Ridhi

As a child a lot of questions went unanswered for me - why was my sister almost outcasted from her school for no apparent reason or why was it that I was always expected to have a practiced charm and be constantly nice to her? My fraternal twin and I were born with a difference of seven minutes between us. Possibly it was an open and shut case of karmic retribution that she had a few challenges in life up for her. She is differently-abled due to her condition of mild cerebral palsy which has lead to her motor impairment in the lower limbs. It took me years to realise that I have a one-up in life because I grew up having her rose-tinted glasses to see the world once in a while. Not to forget the patience and compassion you learn to have with life as time goes on.

It was one of her regular school days and due to some heavy traffic, it got about two hours late to pick her up from school. That one day changed her entire psyche which resulted in her living in a constant fear from thereon that she would be disowned by us. At the age of eight, there wasn’t much she could understand from the reassurances we gave her. She continued school though but stayed uncomfortable for the most of it. After a while, there was a new school dean elected. This man for some unfathomable reason chose to have my sister discontinue her schooling since she had “special needs”. Sure, there are special schools where special children go and need to, but my sister was mentally fit to be studying in any regular school like I did. No doubt this act got my feathers ruffled and it was then that it dawned on me that the world won’t look at her the way I wish them to often times. Later, however we got her admitted to a school which openly accepted her. 

“There’s so much exclusion that happens when someone attaches the label to a person. ”

Disability has never been considered a norm for some reason. There’s so much exclusion that happens when someone attaches the label to a person. An inner need to consider them as a “child” is always present and the world seems to forget that they go through life the same way as any another normal teenager or adult - confused, hormonal, evolving. Wrapped in a shroud of societal thinking is also the feeling of pity or sympathy towards their condition which is so unappreciated that I rather not talk about it. The only bigger complaint I have is when people think she is inspirational or brave when she hasn’t really achieved anything yet. You might argue about this viewpoint being a bit caustic but think about it for a minute - she was born in this very body and has accustomed herself to use it to its full capacity. The only thing making her feel less about herself is the way society projects itself onto her in uncomfortable and unwanted ways. People will unconsciously or consciously stare at her at public places or sometimes ask questions and to make it worse, give us some advice on what we could do for her. Sure, you’re being kind and thoughtful but unless it is really something beyond common sense or something life-changing, there’s no need for such talk especially in her company because all you are doing is making it about her disability. People who aren’t very close to her will only engage in conversations with her about her health which is seriously ignorant. 

Of course, it isn’t offensive in itself but when an able-bodied person calls a person with special needs so, they’re usually applauding them for existing and showing up every day and in turn patting themselves on the back for realising how hard it must be. To say such a thing is to perpetuate the destructive paradigm of understanding and dehumanisation on pretty much every level. She is inspiring in her grace, self-awareness, self-love and incredible generosity to me. Living with an able-bodied sibling can be doubly hard if one makes it so. She could be jealous about a million things that she could never do or be excessively demanding of every person and situation. But she isn’t and is the most mature soul I’ve known yet. 

Its a given that being twins we’ve gone through life stages as a unit - experiencing things in tandem. But almost any sibling would know what I mean to say further. There is sometimes the guilt of getting irritated when your sibling isn’t responsible for the situation, sometimes the jealousy that we’ll never have a typical sibling bond. We always wonder how different it would be and what all we would do if her condition didn’t exist. But then there’s also a bond that means more than anything to me. Ours is a love that can penetrate the coldest heart and then carry on conversations without saying a word. I love that I am there by her side to tell her about the world in whatever little way since she hasn’t had her share of experiences yet. Once she recuperates and gets better, I know she will and I will still be her protector if and when she needs me. I’ve not been annoyed about missing events with my friends because I had to be there for her and for the few times that I have, I realise there is no where else I would rather be than with her. What she has given me is the very essence of life - to give what I can without any conditions and reservations, to ask for what I want without hesitating, being dependable, an appreciation for genuine beauty, a sense of humour, knowing what’s true heartache and true love and what’s crucial. So if you’ve been given the chance to play sibling to someone so lovely a person, know that you’re doing something very very special and you’re a bit  special yourself.