Pathos Pieces

The following pieces are poems, articles, art, and interviews from contributors who are living with various mental illnesses. Send us your artwork at hello@humanologyproject.org for a chance to be featured.  

IMPACT: AN INTERVIEW By Shreeya TULADHAR

In a previous article, I had written about stigma against bipolar disorder and how it can affect not only the patient, but also their family members. To find out first hand, I sought out to interview someone with experience. The following is an interview with a fellow student who has a family member dealing with the disorder. He has requested to stay anonymous.

(Disclaimer: The subject switches between pronouns, and refers to the past as when he was female vs. the present when he has switched their gender identity to male.)

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WHAT ELSE IS HOLLOW? by Vidya KOESMAHaRGYO

I seek out that deep, blue
light at dusk, when it feels like all the air
around me have decided to hold me hostage
and bind me to the earth by its wet pavement

I love out of inconvenience, out of gore and horror, the smell
of me bleeding all over the carpet
listen, we get it, theres some people you just can’t change
no matter how much you love them
there is a difference in our religions, any life
except for my own I wouldn’t take for granted
listen, we get it,
you’d rather kill your body than be forsaken

I know I’m not the only one with a strict observance
of whatever I’ve put my faith in, such as:
palpable things, closing your eyes in pleasure,
the soft smell of longing, every instance of weight
put on you like an intention
nothing’s a promise, we get it,
it gets worse before it gets better,
everything worthwhile left for interpretation

Poetry for the wounded soldier by nikita vozenilek

Graham Cordwell was born in April 1956 in Gloucestershire, England. After joining the British army at only 16 years old, Cordwell, at the age of 18, became a full adult recruit and was posted to the 2nd Battalion of the Parachute Regiment (2 Para) and served for 15 years, resigning in March 1988. Cordwell served 4 tour duties in Northern Ireland, and was an active serviceman in the Falklands War in 1982. In 1994, Cordwell attended college and became a Social Worker, working with individuals with substance abuse problems. After a breakdown in 2002, Cordwell was diagnosed with chronic PTSD, and has spent the past years in treatment and rehabilitation.  In 2007, Cordwell began writing poetry, and has contributed his works online, and to books featuring poetry highlighting personal experiences from those who have served. Graham Cordwell is one of many veterans of the Falkland war who have influenced the poetic world, via the book “Falklands War Poetry” which depicts soldiers experience not only on the front lines, but the later effects of their time serving.

Life on Hold – An Ode to PTSD

I do not own the causes of my pain

But they demand ownership of my mind

Grief and trauma are not contagious

But no-one wants to be touched by them

The unseen wound that never heals

The mental scars hidden from prying eyes

You pass me by with surprising regularity

Seeing what others do not

Hearing the sounds, smelling the odours

Vicious and invasive to this day

Dreaming uncomfortable visions

I cry out, remembering effortlessly and without desire

Slow-motion replays in an eternal loop

The sweat, the anguish, the shame

I should work as others to earn a daily crust

But am I valued even though I cannot provide

I once had status and responsibility, long gone

Once independent, reliable, energetic

The demons have captured me, body and soul

I stare at the flickering screen, it holds my gaze

I am overwhelmed by indecision

My mind aches for relief

Release from this mental struggle

I am tired, oh so tired of being tired

I want to sleep again without intrusion

Not to fear the laying of my head upon the pillow

Not to struggle with long nights of lonely vigil

I want to feel awake, alive, refreshed, anew

Once at the centre, now the fringe

The boundary pushing ever outward

Friends and colleagues getting fewer

The loneliness of a crowded room

Days without purpose, yet no time for thought

I see no future, but obscure the past

A haunting melody with sad refrain

I feel, therefore I must endure the moment

Attacked relentlessly by predatory thoughts

Mental knives that slash into my brain

Feelings uncontrollably surging, my heart awash with sadness

Gushing tears of bloody anguish, staunched only by chemicals

Then emptiness, a flat-lining void bereft of sensation

Empathy with the dying soul

Still here, life on hold

No rewind possible for this poor soldier

My imposed employment, to exist

Ask the existential questions, endure without respite

Fleeting moments of happiness in a sea of pain

I am a soldier still on duty, staggering on

Don’t pity me, just don’t look away!

Cordwell’s piece, “Life on Hold- An Ode to PTSD” discusses the implications of his illness in regards to feelings within himself; the inescapability and the impact post-traumatic stress has had on his life. In reading the poem, what stood out was the vivid imagery and detail in which Cordwell discusses even a passersby, who cannot fathom the wounds in which Cordwell attempts to heal. The loneliness, and the changes in everyday life, including his difficulties sleeping, and controlling the sudden flood of memories, and emotions that he struggles to control. Cordwell discuss the symptoms of PTSD and at the end, urges readers acknowledge the disorder, especially amongst veterans, but also cautions that his humanity still is own strong, and valued. Throughout this cathartic piece, we can see an artistic and raw display of the impact of PTSD on the daily life of a war veteran.

References:

Brett, M. (2011). Graham Cordwell's Poems. Retrieved from http://www.warpoetry.co.uk/cordwell.html

THE ARTFUL EXPRESSION BY ZACHARY HARDY

Art is often used as a therapy tool to engage children with autism. More than just a way to spur creativity, art techniques such as drawing and painting can help children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) improve their fine motor skills (Draycot). Art is also a way for children with ASDs to communicate their thoughts and feelings, which they often struggle to express. Through art, children with ASDs are able to display their talents while also overcoming their struggles with expressing emotions.

Cecilia, a ten-year-old girl with autism, created the self-portrait drawing shown. Her piece was posted on The Art of Autism, an organization that promotes the art of autistic individuals. You can learn more about the organization, and view more art pieces, here.

References:

Draycot, C. (2013, October 16). Educating Autism – Art and Creativity to Engage an Autistic Child in the Classroom. Retrieved October 09, 2016, from http://the-art-of-autism.com/educating-autism-art-and-creativity-to-engage-an-autistic-child-in-the-classroom/

We Are More Than Our Illness by Alison Chan

As with many mental illnesses, borderline personality disorder (BPD) possesses a number of misconceptions. Those who possess BPD are often perceived as being attention seeking, manipulative, seductive, and dramatic, even by those in the medical community. It is often difficult for people to understand something that they haven’t experienced themselves. Being willing to share an experience or learn more about what someone else is going through allows us to become more conscious and empathetic. When we fail to acknowledge what another person is feeling, it causes them to feel isolated and ashamed of who they are.

ArtWithImpact is a non-profit organization that holds film contests every months in order to educate and initiate a conversation regarding mental health. In June 2016, writer and psychotherapist Betsy Usher entered in a film entitled I Am Borderline: Self-Regulation Project in order to display the realities of living with borderline personality disorder. The film became part of Usher’s campaign to reduce the stigma associated with BPD. Usher began the campaign with the intention of creating empathy and community around those with BPD while also educating the general public about BPD. She asks those who possess BPD to take a photograph of their talents, achievements, passion, and experiences and tag it with #Iamborderline in order to show that their illness is not a limitation or a definition of who they are. You can Click on this link to view some of the photos and learn more about Usher’s campaign.

References:

Usher, B. (2016, April 30). I Am Borderline: Self-Regulation Project | Art With Impact. Retrieved from http://www.artwithimpact.org/node/2512

Self-Regulation Project at WILA. (2016, March 29). #IAMBORDERLINE. in Facebook. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/SRPatWILA/photos/a.1273634109320546.1073741829.218790811471553/1273540105996613/?type=3&theater

Death By Porcelain By Yasmeen Hamami

Early morning, sunnyside eggs

Television on, volume down

All she sees is a thin frame

Walking down the runway

Fair skin, spotless face

Blonde hair, pin-straight

Eyes hidden, blue moons

Perfect and fragile

She never understood.

There goes my appetite

She says, dumping her plate

In the trash. I don’t need it,

It’s just extra. I will never be

Like her. I am too much of me.

Look in this mirror,

What do you see?

I see big thighs,

Soft arms, heavy tears.

I don’t want this anymore.

Women

They are short, tall,

black, yellow, skinny, and fat

Why we all just be that?

No, we have to be a white,

Vitrified ceramic, defined by

The images of media.

Fighting to be porcelain

Expecting to be thin and sleek,

She has not eaten for weeks

And she continues to weep

Drowning in her bed sheets.

Weaker and weaker,

She starts to feel like

Shattering glass, 

Piece by piece

She is falling away.

The cravings

For beauty 

Have taken her over.

How far can someone go?

Before the porcelain breaks?

Millions of vanished pieces.

Marilyn Monroe, Evelyn Nesbit,

Heidi Klum, Twiggy

Even Miss America

If you are not them,

You mean nothing.

But

We live by standards

That are meant to be broken

Shattered china, not dreams.

She should not have to feel

Forced, not to eat what she loves

Because for her,

Eating what she loves 

Is loving herself and her body.

Today, she walks with her daughter

Past the dolls in the American Girl store

They still look and laugh, mockingly

“Watch out, she’s next.”

The porcelain cracks of the past will never escape us.

References:

Bychkova, Marina. (2011). Princess and the Pea. Digital image. Enchanted Doll. Retrieved from http://www.enchanteddoll.com/galleries/princesspea/princesspea.html

Abstract Pieces By Samara Khan

South African photographer Tsoku Maela recently did a powerful series of photographs called Abstract Peaces, which chronicle his own struggle with depression and anxiety. Mental illness is particularly stigmatized in the black community, with many individuals considering mental illness as a “white people problem.” Culturally, especially within minority groups, people are often told to “stay strong” and “tough it out” when faced with mental anguish. Even if people have access to care, they might not want to take the opportunity due to stigma and shame.

Maela originally did not intend for these photos to be solely focused on mental illness. He states that the theme “caught him in the moment,” and even after creating the work, it took a while for him to come to terms with the fact that it was solely about mental illness. However, over time Maela realized that he could use his influence as an artist to bring attention to this issue. He states that it would be a crime for him to keep quiet about it given his own experiences.

With this set of photographs, Maela has sparked a conversation in South Africa and abroad that encourages people to use their own unique voices to contribute to destigmatizing mental illness.

You can read an interview with Maela here, and view all the photos in the collection here.

References:

Maela, Tsoku (Photographer). (2015, May 15). Seriti [digital image]. Retrieved from http://abstractpeaces.tumblr.com/

Visualising Bipolar Disorder Through Art By Adeola Adeyeye

Missy Douglas was through with keeping her Bipolar disorder a secret. She therefore dedicated a year to painting and expressing her feelings to describe every day of her year. During this long year, she decided to not take her medication in order to display her raw emotions that would reflect her exuberant highs and depressive lows. In doing this, she hopes to raise awareness of mental health and break the stigmas surrounding it. (Keller, 2014)  

Here are some of her pieces of art from BBC.com:

References:

Keller, D. (2014, September 13). Missy Douglas: Visualising bipolar disorder through art. Retrieved November 04, 2016, from http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-29016340

Once Upon a Narcissistic Personality BY NIKITA VOZENILEK

Narcissistic Personality disorder is a mental disorder in which diagnosed individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. The symptoms of the personality disorder overshadow a very fragile sense of self-esteem. Narcissistic personality disorder can cause problems in various aspects of an individual’s life, in professional,  public, and private, interpersonal spheres.

In the classic Disney tale of Beauty and The Beast, we are introduced to an arrogant Prince and his castle servants who fall under the spell of a wicked enchantress, who turns him into the hideous Beast until he learns to love and be loved in return. The spirited, headstrong village girl Belle enters the Beast's castle after he imprisons her father, Maurice. The tale introduces Gaston, whose interest in Belle clearly demonstrates symptoms of the disorder.  “She’s the one, the lucky girl I’m going to marry. Here in town there’s only she who is as beautiful as me, so I’m making plans to woo and marry Belle”. Though Belle has absolutely zero interest in Gaston, we see him portray narcissistic characteristics.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Using VIRTUAL REALITY TO TREAT BIPOLAR DISORDER BY ADEOLA ADEYEYE

Virtual Reality Technology is being used increasingly to help people with mental illness by exposing the person to specific objects or situations in a safe environment (Psychiatry, 2017). This allows individuals to face and overcome their fears and anxiety. Studies have shown that virtual reality is beneficial to patients and carries over to real life situations (Psychiatry, 2017).

See how Alika Agidi-Jeffs, a young musician diagnosed with bipolar disorder, is using virtual reality to improve traditional treatments here.

References:

Al Jazeera. (2015, July 14). Treating Bipolar Disorder With Virtual Reality. Retrieved March 14, 2017, from http://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/thecure/2015/07/treating-bipolar-disorder-virtual-reality-150713113149119.html

APA Staff. (2017, February 09). Virtual Reality: Expanding Use in Mental Health Treatment. Retrieved March 14, 2017, from http://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/apa-blog/2017/02/virtual-reality-expanding-use-in-mental-health-treatment

Singing in the Age of Worry By Nikita Kohli

Music is an artistic rendition of emotions. Musicians possess the power to reach out to people and reassure them that they’re not the alone in their periods of suffering. John Mayer, an American guitarist and singer-songwriter, vocalizes his struggle with anxiety and panic attacks through music along with expressing his troubles in his interviews. Unfortunately, this has not always worked in his favor because some interviewers paint an image of him as a vexed philanderer to appeal to the masses, rather than communicating the gravity of his troubles with anxiety disorder. Having such characterization immortalized in print is most likely to be distressing for him as people with anxiety disorders tend to worry about insignificant details. The media has engaged more in portraying him as an hedonist and less on lauding him for confessing his troubles in public and making an effort to destigmatize the disorder. They frequently question him about his anxiety disorder and panic attacks, without the tone of seriousness that is needed. Such is the stigma of mental health.

This stigma, however, has not deterred him from expressing himself through his music. Mayer fuses his songwriting and guitar expertise to disclose his anxiety disorder in pop, blues, and soul music. While a handful of Mayer’s songs such as ‘Gravity’ and ‘If I Ever Get Around to Living’ are harmonies with a dispirited tone about what his life might have been like if he didn’t have anxiety disorder, ‘Age of Worry’ reaches out to people with anxiety in an encouraging and affectionate way. In this song, he offers advice to those among his listeners who have anxiety, telling them to “build an army” against the worry. He contemplates that people with anxiety tend to expect a lot from themselves to the point that they feel like they’re not enough. He implies that they have a voice inside them telling them that what they are doing is wrong; the roots of this voice originate from other people’s definitions of right and wrong and what others have told them to do their whole lives. People with anxiety often let these opinions and negative remarks set the standards they hold for themselves, as well as define the basis on which they judge their own behavior, forming an inner monologue of self criticism. Through his lyrics, he gives them permission to ignore this voice, do what they think is right, and not be afraid to like it.

His lyric “Be friends with who you are” from ‘Age of Worry’ is beautiful and inspiring while also targeting one of the biggest challenges people with anxiety face--loving themselves. His words depict how much he cares about his audience as he advises them not to let their anxious thoughts hold them back from trying new things. Overall, the song ‘Age of Worry’ is reassuring and filled with positive energy, despite his own struggle. He ends the song by saying “be alive, smile and go wild, in the age of worry,” and gives people the strength to defy their anxious thoughts and form a friendship with their disquiet minds.

References:

In defense of John Mayer. (2016, December 26). Retrieved March 12, 2017, from https://itsonlyfear.org/2016/05/12/in-defense-of-john-mayer/

Hedegaard, E. (2012, June 06). The Dirty Mind and Lonely Heart of John Mayer. Retrieved March 12, 2017, from http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/the-dirty-mind-and-lonely-heart-of-john-mayer-20120606

Sharing the Secret By Alison Chan

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a misunderstood illness that is often taken lightly or trivialized. “The Secret Illness” is a creative arts project that posts stories about those living with OCD; they create short films, conduct podcasts, and share artistic pieces. In addition to these pieces, they also have a section called “The Wall,” which is an open space on their site which allows people struggling with OCD to share their stories. Through these methods, “The Secret Illness” aims to deconstruct the misconceptions of OCD, such as that it’s a cleaning disease or that people who have it are just antsy. Liz Smith, a filmmaker who was inspired to make a documentary about OCD, said, “My hope is that together we can take some of the ‘secret’ out of OCD, that more people can be diagnosed early and get the treatment they need. I hope it will open our minds and make it more acceptable to talk about OCD and intrusive thoughts more openly,” (The Secret Illness, 2015).

References:

Posts about The Wall on The Secret Illness. (2015). Retrieved March 12, 2017, from https://thesecretillness.com/category/the-wall/

The Half of It BY ZACH HARDY

While autism spectrum disorder (ASD) poses many challenges to those affected, it does not commit these individuals to an unworthy life. Kerry Margo, a motivational speaker and best-selling author, is on the autism spectrum. In his poem “Only if you knew me”, Margo demonstrates the two dueling realities of living with autism: dealing with the developmental struggles that come with the illness, while simultaneously striving to accomplish your goals.

“Only if you knew me” beautifully sums up the highs and lows of living with ASD. Although Margo has undergone difficult therapy and dealt with degrading socially-constructed labels, he has also experienced outstanding personal and professional achievements. Margo’s insightful poem is applicable to millions who live with ASD, and his words are a wonderful reminder that there is more to people than meets the eye.

References:

Margo, K. (2010, March 15). An Autism Poem: Only If You Knew Me. Retrieved February 26, 2017, from http://kerrymagro.com/an-autism-poem-only-if-you-knew-me/

The Future for Those With Down Syndrome By Sabrina Bari

From birth, those with Down Syndrome are stigmatized and underestimated in their capabilities and aspirations. Because of their learning disabilities, they are not offered the same opportunities as others which reduces their chances for achievement. Karen Gaffney, a woman with Down Syndrome, shattered these stereotypes as the president of the Karen Gaffney Foundation. The Karen Gaffney Foundation advocates for the inclusion of those with Down Syndrome and other developmental disabilities into their families, schools, communities and workplaces.

In this Tedx talk, Karen speaks of her accomplishments such as swimming across the English channel and as well as graduating from college. This would not have been possible without the generation of parents before her that fought for legislation which allows those with DS to have the right to education. She also mentions grassroots organizations that pushes for better medical treatment and research to aid those with Down Syndrome and how they will change the future. She is a prime example of how those with developmental disabilities have the capability to achieve success and happiness just like everyone else.

References:

Karen Gaffney Foundation. (n.d.). Retrieved March 05, 2017, from http://www.karengaffneyfoundation.com/

T. (2015, July 01). All lives matter | Karen Gaffney | TEDxPortland. Retrieved March 05, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwxjoBQdn0s

“Elephant in the Room” by Yasmeen Hamami

By Julia Buffolino

Seth Chwast is a successful american artist who is on the Autism Spectrum. While Seth is mostly non verbal, he defied all expectations and communicates through his art. Seth paints beautiful and thought provoking work that has been exhibited all over the world.  If you would like to explore more of Seth’s work, which is available for purchase as prints, visit his website.

References:

http://www.sethchwastart.com/biography    

Art and PTSD: A Therapeutic Blend by alison chan

Art therapy is being used as a treatment for people diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The therapy can include creative mediums such as sculpting, songwriting, poetry, and painting. It gives a voice to the person’s thoughts and emotions when words are insufficient (Fabian, 2017). Creative expression can also empower a person while giving them a sense of purpose and accomplishment. These forms of expression can alter mood and emotions, while reducing stress and depression (Art & Healing, 2015). Iraq veteran, Jason Moon, elaborates on how singing and songwriting has affected his healing process:

“All of these songs that I had written are about what it feels like to come home. Each song is like a little demon, a little monster that had been haunting me. These songs are deeply personal; they’re like a singing diary. Songwriting was a way to take something negative and place it somewhere else other than inside myself.” Jason Moon (Art & Healing, 2015)

References:

Art & Healing | PTSD. (2015). https://artandhealing.org/art-healing-ptsd/

Fabian, R. (2017, May 23). Healing Invisible Wounds: Art Therapy and PTSD. https://www.healthline.com/health/art-therapy-for-ptsd#3

She, An Enigma By stacy ebby

Heels sprout up high,

Tug at string,

Hold still,

Relax.

Pull again,

Release once more,

Satisfying it one last time.

Next up, hands cash,

Empties fist into purse.

Did I drop something?

Clench fist, open.

Eyes wander,

Spins thrice.

No, mother.

Look, again.

Press,

Lather,

Squeeze,

Cleanse,

Twice,

Thrice.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Yes, mother.

Stretch in words

Be back early, right?

Bolt goes out

Turns left,

Turns right,

Bolt in, bolt out.

The Dawn of a Very Human Superhero by nikita kohli

Sow Ay, an illustrator who states that he lives under his “hoodie and headphones,” draws situations depicting the thoughts of a boy called the ‘Forsaken Star’ who suffers from anxiety and depression. Although this topic seems unusual for a comic-drawing, he employs this style of communication to deliver important messages in a light-hearted manner. He implicitly educates his audience about anxiety and depression through the inner monologue of Forsaken Star during interactions with others. The personified character of anxiety and depression is described as a black ghost-like creature that follows him around everywhere. The audience learns from indirect messages from short story lines. For example, one comic shows when Forsaken Star goes out with his friends and has a good time, he thanks this monster for leaving him alone, thus shedding light on how difficult it is to have enjoy social interactions on a casual meeting with friends without being overtaken by negative feelings and thoughts.

Targeting the stigma surrounding anxiety disorders and depression using a unique platform such as comics allows Ay to problematize those who trivialize mental illnesses. Ay also entertains those who have similar experiences depicted in his comic with light-hearted humor, while making those who cannot relate sympathetically understand what it is like to live with anxiety and depression.

Expression Through Art by Victoria Radesco

This piece was created by Edmund Monsiel, a Polish painter born in 1897. Monsiel lived with untreated schizophrenia, and started sketching after experiencing symptoms. He used it as a way to express himself. During the course of his illness he created about 500 sketches, most of which are now on display in museums in Poland. Many of his pieces are untitled and most of them are on tiny scraps of paper. To see more of his work click here.

References:

Edmund Monsiel. (n.d.). Retrieved October 24, 2017, from http://www.outsiderart.co.uk/monsiel.html

Monsiel, Edmund. (2016, July 3). Retrieved October 24, 2017, from https://www.astro.com/astro-databank/monsiel,_edmund

Down Syndrome in a World of Flowers by alison chan

The title of photographer Sigga Ella’s project is “First and foremost I am.” Ella photographs several people born with down syndrome in order to display both their individuality but also their normality side by side. The ages of the participants range from 9 months to 60 years old. The background of each photo is a colorful assortment of flowers. It symbolizes the diversity and complexity of humans. In the same way that each flower in the background is different and has bloomed, every person on earth is different and capable of flourishing in life. Each person pose, expression, and clothing are different but it helps express their individual style and personalities. Some smile, scowl, or neatly cross their legs. Although they were all born with down syndrome, they are, first and foremost, themselves.

References:

Ella, S. (2015, January 22). “First and foremost I am.” http://siggaella.com/projects/first-and-foremost-i-am/

Fire and peace by Victoria Radesco

Famous for “The Starry Night” and his self portrait, Van Gogh remains a very talented and influential artist. While most of his work encapsulates nature at its greatest, the piece titled, “Sorrowing Old Man (At Eternity's Gate)”, shows a different side of his work. Van Gogh experienced symptoms of schizophrenia, as well as bipolar disorder, neurosis, and epilepsy. He experienced episodes of psychosis and delusions. His artwork depicts a visual internal struggle with the man looking obviously distressed with a fire in the background.

Van Gogh places a fire in the background of this piece, just as there is a fire in the back of his mind. It sits and it burns, coiling its flames around his peace of mind. It sits and it burns while it brings in the delusions and the discomfort. It sits and it burns charing what remains and fragmenting the little he holds on to.

It sits.

It burns.

References:

Who was Vincent Van Gogh? (n.d.). Retrieved April 05, 2018, from https://psych.ucalgary.ca/PACE/VA-Lab/AVDE-Website/vangogh.html

Sorrowing Old Man (At Eternity's Gate) 1890. (n.d.). Retrieved April 05, 2018, from https://theartstack.com/artist/vincent-van-gogh/sorrowing-old-man-eter?invite_key=melindamcdonald&via=pinterest

We Stand by Adeola Adeyeye

After everything, stand

After the walls of the fortified city of my mind come tumbling down

And it feels like no one is lending a helping hand

You tell me it will be okay, but I can no longer master my mind and must give in my crown

I have been dethroned. But nevermind that. Tell me, what does it all mean

When you fold your arms and lean back with unease

I can’t tell if you hate me, these lines are hard to read between

Because you don’t smile but start up a conversation like a breeze

You continue talking not minding that I’m tired all of the time and would like to rewind

To where I did not feel like a prisoner of  my mind

I know this does not define me but can I ever truly leave it all behind

There is some peace that everyone talks of but that I can’t seem to find

All the while, I am confused and a little rattled

But I am okay, raise my voice and still stand because this isn’t just mine, but also their battle

The Executioner’s Petitioner by athena jacob

Cry, deny, routinely running out of time

Arise, surprise, time to pay for all your crimes

Your sins, your whims, pick your favorite pseudonym

Disillusioned hymns, your spirit growing grim

Lacking any vim, your aura glowing dim

Survival is slim, your verdict written in

Persecution, retribution, now they want

A revolution, life is an illusion

Conclusion, confusion, left only with delusions

My psyche diseased, my thoughts all seized

Marvel at my sanity, my enemy

Serenity, my life’s only remedy

Occupied by somber eyes, you lost meaning

You lost feeling, found hope through pleading

Through ceaseless dreaming, foresee life is fleeting

Seeking a sign, you look to the great divines

One last wish before your ultimate demise

Chastised, you rise, your prayers now eternalized

DOWN SYNDROME IN ART FORMS THROUGHOUT THE AGES By stephanie fan

Art is a very galvanizing force that is often used to represent and preserve a piece of society. It is often examined and analyzed by future historians in centuries to come. An art piece used to encompass the various beliefs and outlooks during the era in which it was created. Throughout the centuries, mental illness have been depicted in a various forms of art, whether in music, the media, or paintings. Down Syndrome is no exception. Even before the official coining of its current name in the early nineteenth century, Down Syndrome has been depicted in different pieces of arts for centuries (Starbuck, 2011 ).  

According to John. M. Starbuck, a Ph.D. candidate in the department of anthropology at Pennsylvania State University, there are many art forms in history that could possibly be depictions of individuals with Down Syndrome in historical cultures.  He believes there is strong evidence that two individuals in the painting The Adoration of the Christ Child (circa 1515 A.D.) were shown to have Down Syndrome.  One individual was drawn with angel wings and the other was an “earthly admirer” (Starbuck, 2011).  They were portrayed with similar facial compositions exhibited by people with Down Syndrome. They had  “flattened midface, epicanthic folds, upslanted palpebral fissures, small and upturned nasal tip, downward curving mouth corners, and short fingers with a widely spaced and curving small finger (Levitas and Reid, 2003)”.  These description are direct features scientists have identified as distinct to those with Down Syndrome. There are two versions of this painting, one in the nighttime and the other in the daytime. Each version had similar individual's depicted, one with an angelic disposition and the other as a mortal bystander.    

Levitas and Reid, who studied the qualitative facial analysis of individuals in paintings to confirm or deny the possibility of those individual's as being depicted with Down Syndrome. They concluded, after analyzing and examining the two individuals in the painting, that both individuals may have had Down Syndrome. They speculated that there were three possible reasons why one of the individuals in the painting who may have had Down Syndrome was drawn with such an angelic disposition. The reasons were: 1) the artists may have had warm feelings towards people with Down Syndrome, 2) the artists was depicting people with disabilities for a symbolic purpose such as depicting those with mental illnesses as signs of comedy or evil (Starbuck, 2011), and 3) physical signs of Down Syndrome were not recognized as a disorder at the time of the painting (Levitas and Reid, 2003).

The portrayals of those with disabilities or mental illnesses ranged from symbols of evil and fear to comedy and jest. Some people with disabilities were portrayed as a symbol of evil (Levitas and Reid, 2003). This could be perhaps be indicative of the intrinsic human tendency to fear the unknown. Others depicted those with disabilities as a symbol of comedy (Levitas and Reid, 2003), which could be evidence of a human propensity to judge and ridicule those who are different.

In today’s society, the knowledge of Down Syndrome has spread, with the advent of increased research and awareness. Media portrayals now depict those with Down Syndrome less as a symbol of evil or comedy but more as an exaggerated caricature of their syndrome.  For example, the television reality show, known as the A&E series “Born This Way” features everyday people with Down Syndrome and the lives they live. However, such shows, especially “Born This Way” is criticized for portraying the lives of people with Down Syndrome as  “an overly rosy look at life for adults with Down Syndrome” (Vila, 2016). Such representations of Down Syndrome is quite popular in the media nowadays (Vila, 2016) however it is a step forward in the right direction compared to portrayal of mental illnesses and disabilities as either a joke or a sin. Therefore, the depiction of Down Syndrome in art right now is not ideal, but it has improved over the centuries.   

In the future, with more advancement in science and research, the art representing those who differ from the typically developing person can finally morph into accurate depictions of those with any mental disorder or disability, not just Down Syndrome.  It is crucial to respect and understand people with mental illnesses as individuals and not as a product of their disorder.

References:

Levitas, A. S., & Reid, C. S. (2003, February 01). An angel with Down Syndrome in a sixteenth century Flemish Nativity painting. Retrieved October 19, 2018, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12522800

Starbuck, J. M. (2011). On the Antiquity of Trisomy 21: Moving Towards a Quantitative Diagnosis of Down Syndrome in Historic Material Culture. Journal of Contemporary Anthropology,2(1). Retrieved October 19, 2018, from https://docs.lib.purdue.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=http://www.downsyndromeprenat
altesting.com/down-syndrome-diagnosis-at-the-adoration-of-the-christ-child/&httpsredir=1&article=1019&context=jca

Vila, V. (2016, January 12). Down Syndrome on TV: Conversations About "Born This Way". Retrieved October 24, 2018, from https://modernmessy.wordpress.com/category/portrayals-of-down-syndrome-in-media/

Those Hands That Once Held Mine: How Alzheimer’s Affected a Mother-Son Relationship BY AAMNA atif

Those Hands That Once Held Mine
by Dean Harrison
in memory of Patricia Shelton

When I was knee high, I was immortal
Because my Mum always held my hand
I knew no harm would come to me
In this, the safest place in the land

Her hands were always there to guide me
To show me where to go
Her hands were forever knitting
To keep us warm in Winter’s snow

They were there to wave me off
Each morning when I left for school
Because you know she wouldn’t let me
Grow up to be no fool

As I started to grow older
I would walk of my own accord
And those hands once there for safety
Changed roles to encourage and applaud

Later when I took a hand in marriage
With new little hands to hold in mine
She was always there when needed
To take their hands and give us time

For many years they still held strong
Wrapping presents as each birthday came along
Giving out big hugs at Christmas
In the growing family throng

But then they started to become unsure
Not remembering what to do
So I knew that it was my time
To hold her hand and help her through

We walked so many miles
In corridors hand in hand
I just hope that in her own mind
We were walking in the sand

But then that week I held her hand
And it slipped away one last time
And now they’re in a better place
Those hands that once held mine.

Dean Harrison wrote this poem about his mother, Patricia Shelton, who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer's is a type of mental illness that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. Symptoms usually develop slowly and get worse over time, becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks. Alzheimer’s accounts for 60% to 80% of dementia cases according to the Alzheimer’s Association. In its early stages, memory loss is mild, but with late-stage Alzheimer's, individuals lose the ability to carry on a conversation and respond to their environment. In an article he wrote, Harrison says that his mother started to become “increasingly forgetful and disoriented”. The women who “could knit for England...even knitting a 13 foot long Doctor Who scarf at one point” now couldn’t be trusted to wash dishes and put them away properly (Harrison, 2017). Unable to care for her properly, Harrison and his family decided to move her into a care home. He writes “As I was sitting holding Mum’s hand in the hospital, I thought of all she meant to me and the number of times she had held my hand. I pretty much knew this was the last time she would do so” (Harrison, 2017). This turned into the inspiration for his poem.

He mentions his Mum in stanza one, line two and for the rest of the poem he refers to her in the third person. He starts by speaking of his childhood and detailing how his mother used to care for him. In the second stanza, he mentions his mother's hands for the first time. He says, "Her hands were always there to guide me, To show me where to go, Her hands were forever knitting, To keep us warm in Winter's snow." He speaks of the literal actions her hands do but the actions are also symbols for how she cared for Harrison and his family. He mentions that when he grew older "those hands once there for safety changed roles to encourage and applaud." This shows that his mother supported him and played an active role in his life.

She helped her son take care of his kids when he got married and started a family of his own. Once again, Harrison uses the hands as a metaphor by saying, "Later when I took a hand in marriage, With new little hands to hold in mine, she was always there when needed, to take their hands and give us time." He ties the past with the present by mentioning his own hands, his wife's hands, his child's hands, and his mother's hands.

He then starts to come full circle by saying that for many year his mother held strong for the rest of the family, but then her hands "started to become unsure." By saying her hands have become unsure he pains a clear picture for the reader of how frustrating it must be for his mother. The woman who was such a strong and steady figure for most of her life was no longer that way. The unsteady hands also show us how much the disease affects his mother. Severe dementia due to Alzheimer’s disease is characterized by a decline in physical abilities and a loss of communication skills. Both these put together make it so that the person with Alzheimer’s is unable to go about their daily routines (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2018).

When Harrison’s mother could no longer go about her days on her own, he stepped up and took her "hand in hand,” he cared for her the way she once did for him. She would spend weekdays with her partner Michael, and visit her son and his wife on the weekends (Harrison, 2017). They watched over her until they decided it would be better to move her to a care home.  

In the last stanza, he says he holds her hands one last time before they slipped away. The hands that once held his when he was little are in a better place. Harrison makes the reader feel the weight of those words and realize that he will never hold his mother's hands again.

Holding hands is a small gesture but it accompanies so many childhood memories for him, allowing the reader to empathize with his pain. Harrison details his mother's presence in his life using symbolism and word choice among other literary devices. The prevalent theme of hands is symbolic of the kind of relationship they had, his mother was there for protection, encouragement, support, love and later her son provided her with the exact same.

References:

Alzheimer's Association. (n.d.). What Is Alzheimer's? Retrieved November 3, 2018, from https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-alzheimers

Harrison, D. (2017, August 23). Those hands that once held mine. Retrieved November 3, 2018, from https://www.dementiablog.org/those-hands-that-once-held-mine/

Mayo Clinic Staff. (2018, May 17). Alzheimer's stages: How the disease progresses. Retrieved November 3, 2018, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/in-depth/alzheimers-stages/art-20048448

Calamity BY Nistha Bade Shrestha

Muffin tops and jelly rolls that jiggle

We poke, prod, and we giggle.

“Did you lose weight?”

A little love handle here,

And stretch marks there.

I think I’ll pass on dinner tonight.

“Chewing gum makes you feel less hungry.”

No, I can’t do lunch today.

I’m feeling nauseous.

I’ve lost my appetite.

I’m not spilling out of my jeans today.

How many calories in a Jell-O cup?

My head’s in a blender.

I’m seeing stars.

“You lost weight!”

A smile and a blush

To hide the bitter taste on my tongue..

Trembling hands.

Sunken heart.

Do I need to eat before taking Tylenol?

My alien mouth

Ravenous, barbaric,

Chomping, chewing like a wildfire.

What a storm.

Guilty fingernails turn sharp shovels

Against cold sweaty palms.

Eyes angry slits

Poking and prodding skin

Soft skin

Innocent skin

Flabby skin

Too much skin.

BPD: Behind Bars By Victoria Ramirez

I have been judged, it seems

They claim to know my thoughts

My feelings

Me

But how?

Even I do not know

Who I am.

Nonetheless, sleek steel bars encompass

Their cold arms encircling me once more

One final time

Their purpose:

To punish me, change me, erase me

I can’t do anything about it

I can only watch and wait

And take their judgment and chastisement

They burn my skin

Tear away my flesh

Till only

I am a projection

A mere mirror of their thoughts

I have become what they think I am

My bones have reconfigured

Curved, sharpened, lengthened

Till they bend and flow like water in a lake

They transform with each jaded stare

Each whisper and prognosis

The curves become sharp

Menacing

But with one touch

They shatter

Falling

Breaking

I don't know what to do

My image has warped

Adapted to their intuition of me

Of others like me

And yet I am alone

Left to deal with the unfavorable consequences of their nescience

I cannot control what the bars do

Their shadows disfigure me

They create false perceptions of my reality

And masquerade confidently behind a personality

The bars are still there

But no longer to they tear me apart

I loosened its grip on my mind and my heart

My bones have reformed again

The mirror of what I was

The amalgamations of the perceptions

Are in my hand

And as I look at myself

I’m proud of what I see

A human, a lover, a friend

Flaws, strengths, doubts, struggles... are a part of me

I may change and transform like water in a lake

But it is on my accord

And I leave the mirror where it belongs

The Door by Madhurie Parasram

Open the door, step outside.

Close the door.

Place the key in the lock and turn.

Press down on the door handle and push forward.

Confirm that it is locked.

Walk to the car,

start the engine,

wait for it to warm up,

check for all the necessities.

Glasses, water bottle, keys–

Wait, did you lock the door?

Stare at the door,

as though you can tell from here.

Think,

think,

think.

I can’t remember.

Walk to the door.

Press down on the door handle and push forward.

Confirm that it is locked.

Walk to the car.

Turn back and look at the door.

It’s locked, right?

You locked it, right?

You’re completely sure?

A hundred percent?

Perhaps, I should check again.

Jog to the door.

Press down on the door handle and push forward.

Confirm that it is locked.

Jog to the car.

Get in,

don’t think about the door–

the door,

it’s locked,

I checked,

it’s locked.

The door is locked.

The door is locked.

The door is locked.

Take out your phone.

Call your brother,

he’s home.

Riiiiiiiiiing.

Riiiiiiiiiing.

Riiiiiiii–

“Hello?”

Ask him.

“Can you check if I locked the door?”

It’s locked,

I know it’s locked,

I checked.

“Yeah, it’s locked, you’re good.”

You sigh,

it’s locked.

You drive away.

A Girl From Long Island by Gabriella Mayers

Just a girl from Long Island.

Small neighborhoods, big opinions.

Big mouth, but her words were always silenced.

Just a kid with a vision.

Crayons in hand, paper scattered on the floor.

Reprimanded for having such a wild imagination.

Social media satisfied her hunger for love.

But she craved a place to call home.

She had so much to offer, it meant so little to others.

Materialism was all she had, but nothing to call her own.

Too short to be taken seriously.

Can’t fit into this dress, she’s heavy.

This comb is broken, her hair is nappy.

Too much skin showing, cover up please. 

Too dark to see her true beauty.

All she’s ever known was words with no meaning, just filled with anger.

Birthed into a world where her fate was predetermined. 

She’s a grown woman now, she’s using her big mouth again, but nobody listens to her.

Her future was set in stone for her, but her present remained uncertain. 

The hardest decision she thought she would ever have to make.

Was reaching out for help.

But she was punished for trying to find a place that was safe.

Talking to a stranger was her personal hell.

The stranger smiled in her face.

Their words of encouragement made her feel empty.

She felt as if she was being taunted.

Just a girl from Long Island.

Scared to sleep, but God knows she’s tired.

When she closes her eyes, she hears, sees, and feels the violence.

Slip by Aarinola Akinduyi

The feeling is strange. Your heart pumping, skipping as worry rushes over you, the pang of hopelessness burrowing its way into your skull. You watch as her hands untwine from you, the sweat and oil mixing as your fingers glide against hers. The sea of black around you closes in, but you maintain your eye contact with her, the fright in her eyes at the uncertainty of your futures echo into your soul. The dread of her no longer existing in your world takes hold of your attention, and you slip even more. She freefalls for a split second and you watch as her lips separate, letting out a dreadful scream. Time stands still but you grab her wrist, the beads of sweat stinging your eyes, the salty drips slithering between your lips. You can't lose her, she's all that's left, the only ward against the wicked cloak ready to pounce and engulf everything that you ever were. You simply can't lose her.

Us and Them by Jasmine Kumar

Eyes that secretly glance

never ever open as wide 

Yet their stare is felt in my bones

That also SPORADICALLY move.

Lift up- spazz- put down- up- down

Again and again as the day goes by.

Do they even see us completely if 

All their eyes do are glance only 

When my- SPAZZ- arm moves?

They think it's weird- don't they?

That my arm moves- excuse me 

SPAZZES to some sort of rhythmic  

Beat or even worse in the quiet-

You know when they are listening

To their voices and suddenly cant 

Hear them because of my motor 

Tics that- ah there it is- again that

Secret quick glance at us again 

But what if I disrupt their peace 

With my voice repeating a song

Hum hum hum hum hum hum hu-

Will they speak their judgements 

For once or will they glance at me?

So what they stare and they think?

Aren’t we used to it- why should

We have to be used to the stares?

Or those phone calls home from 

Teachers claiming it's “disruptive”?

Or not getting hired or picked first?

“We” can't ever be achieved if 

Their glance makes us feel as if

It was always “us and them”.

Secretly glancing  eyes never 

open as wide anyways,

So in order to see us look

With an educated mind.

Healing is not so black and white by Srishti Chauhan

Violent Pure o OCD: An Animatic by Morsaline Mozahid

The following is a short animation showcasing violent Pure O OCD. The video starts with the protagonist, the character with brown hair, entering a room. The room symbolizes the part of the brain where the main character has intrusive violent thoughts. In the room another character with white hair that looks similar to the protagonist is introduced. The white haired character is how the main protagonist sees himself in his OCD. The protagonist imagines himself committing numerous violent acts, which causes him dreadful horror; he loses a sense of self. However, the protagonist finds a psychiatrist who helps him deal with his OCD. With the psychiatrist, the main character engages in exposure response therapy. Exposure response therapy teaches patients to purposely think of the thoughts they are afraid of. This is done in order to help patients be prepared to face their intrusive thoughts when they occur. I try to showcase exposure response therapy in the video by animating the protagonist fighting himself. This fight is very intense. It takes a great deal of effort and support from the psychiatrist. Ultimately, the white character is beaten, showing that the protagonist was able to get rid of his violent intrusive thoughts through exposure response therapy.

A Nation’s Fatigue by Christian Ortiz

Another election just passed and for some, the results will lead to an end of a four-year anxiety attack. There is no denying that there was a section of the population whose mental health was adversely affected because of constant fear of what the current administration would do to certain groups. While it is unfair to place the blame of the steady increase in anxiety-related disorders in adults on the political climate (Newman, 2018), it is safe to say that politics certainly hasn’t provided much relief over the years for many people.

For those who might have never experienced long-lasting anxiety, it can be extremely draining and impacts one’s cognitive and physical abilities (Cirino, 2016). It can be hard to concentrate on things and makes completing certain tasks very difficult due to the constant feeling of danger that is ever present. There isn’t much else that is as panic inducing as feeling that your livelihood is in the hands of people who don’t care about you. Unfortunately, this is a sentiment felt by people on both sides of the political aisle in regards to our government. 

This sentiment ends up having a profound effect on our elections as it shifts the focus of voters away from what matters. As a result of this shift, we get candidates who don't try to run on a platform that projects a feeling of hope and unity to the general public. Rather, they opt to run a campaign that preys on the fears and worries of the masses, looking to prove that their opponent will make the public’s worst nightmares come true. What ends up happening is you get cycles of one sided voting as though their lives depended on it, then the other side does the exact same thing in the next election. This cycle leads to people developing not only actual fatigue but also political fatigue where they just give up on participating in the democratic process.

Despite much of the doomsday-esque talking points I made, I would like to end off on the note that politics don’t have to be this way. We can ensure that the next generation of politicians are true to their word and govern for the masses by reevaluating why we put these people in power. Because at the end of the day, we are the ones who decide who governs us. So the question for the public moving forward is, are you more motivated by fear or hope?

References

Newman, T. (2018, September 5). Anxiety in the West: Is it on the rise? Medicalnewstoday.com; Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322877#Is-anxiety-increasing-in-the-U.S.

‌Cirino, E. (2016, September 8). Everything You Need to Know About Anxiety. Healthline; Healthline Media. https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety-symptoms

How Art Imitates Life by Kateryna Korobkina

“Absorbed by Light” is a sculpture that was made by artist Gali May Lucas and sculptor Karoline Hinz in 2018 for the Amsterdam Light Festival. It depicts 3 figures seated on a bench and hunched over their phones with their faces illuminated by the light emanating from their phone screens. This piece serves as a literal example of art imitating life. Lucas intended to make a commentary on how dependent we have become on our mobile devices. She explains her inspiration as: “Cycling to work in the mornings, I see people lost in the light of their mobile phones. On park benches, on the tram, in restaurants – no one talks to each other anymore” (Fuggetti, 2018).

It is currently debatable whether excessive cell phone use can be qualified as an addiction. The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) already recognizes Internet Gaming Disorder as an addiction, so there is a precedent for labeling cell phone dependence as another behavioral addiction. It can potentially lead people who experience excessive cell phone use as a maladaptive behavior to get the help that they need to improve their quality of life. 

Several parallels can be drawn between excessive phone use and behavioral addictions like compulsive gambling (Stanborough, 2019). For example, both are associated with a loss of control over one’s behavior and the development of tolerance, meaning that the individual would need to engage in the activity more frequently to achieve the same amount of pleasure from it. Withdrawal-like symptoms are also present in people who engage in excessive phone use: they tend to feel a sense of anxiety or irritability if they forget their phone or if they need to go extended periods of time without it. 

Excessive phone use is also similar to addiction on a biological level. Like a drug, this activity triggers the release of the chemical dopamine in the brain (Stanborough, 2019). Dopamine reinforces rewarding behaviors like eating and socializing. Many people use phones for social interaction, so checking your phone often for text messages can become a habit because every notification releases dopamine.

Moreover, there are so many psychological and social influences on mental health that can lead to increased cell phone use, so it’s helpful to view it holistically rather than as an isolated addiction. Seeking professional help can create an opportunity for someone to uncover underlying issues such as depression or anxiety which may be contributing to what looks like a superficial phone addiction.

Regardless of whether excessive cell phone use is a pathological problem, it is up to the individual to evaluate whether it indeed significantly interferes with their way of life. Lucas portrayed a very real phenomenon in our culture. It is common to see people engrossed in their phones in nearly all public spaces, rather than being present and interacting with the world around them. Art pieces like this can make us feel as if we are looking into a mirror and potentially inspire us to become more mindful of our everyday habits. 

References

Amsterdam Light Festival. (n.d.). Retrieved December 1, 2020, from amsterdamlightfestival.com website: https://amsterdamlightfestival.com/en#

Stanborough, R. J. (2019, October 17). Cell Phone Addiction: Is It Really a Thing, and What Can You Do? Retrieved December 1, 2020, from Healthline website: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/cell-phone-addiction#dopamine-connection

Fuggetti, C. (2018, December 19). Absorbed by light, sculptures about smartphone’s addiction | Collater.al. Retrieved November 29, 2020, from Collateral website: https://www.collater.al/en/absorbed-by-light-sculpture/

Quarantined Heart by En-Chieh (Angel) Wu

Half past four, reads the clock

In my head I replay when I walked down that block

It's a thought I wanna get rid of

The feeling like an unwanted stock

You can knock, but I won’t open

Behind locks, scars are unspoken

Oh God, why am I broken?

You called me crazy

For thinking too much

“Just talking to people, that’s not so hard.”

“It’s nothing lethal; put down your guards.”

“What’s so hard?”

Drinking and smoking, 

They come in clutch

I let myself get wasted, make my thoughts numb

My social life’s a wasteland, love life in slum

What’s so hard?

I think I’m crazy

For making things hard

Sheltered in my own bubble but craving for love

Shutting people out but hating the sound

Of silence, so loud

The loneliness is so loud

The anxiety is so loud

A Sea by AARINOLA AKINDUYI

It feels weird to feel the tears drop down my face, tickling my chin as they drip onto the table. With each heave, a sense of relief washes over me, and my silent cries soon turn into wailing. The voices grow louder, both in sound and in quantity. 

Listen, I keep telling myself, trying to pinpoint just one word. I know that what they are all trying to tell me and get me to do is important, but I just can’t understand. Frustration and my wails continue to grow, descending me into a shameful hysteria. 

Just LISTEN, I say again. But alas, I can’t, and the tears pool below me.  

Untitled by Eiman Nawaz

This piece is meant to reflect what those struggling with anxiety may feel their journey to be, versus how those looking in from the outside may view it as. For the former, they carry a heavy weight on their shoulders, constant sources of stress and worry making for a difficult journey to an end goal. Meanwhile, others see it as a simple and easy task, unaware of what the former is truly going through. It’s a reminder that everyone’s path is different, and no one knows what came before or what will come after. The smallest of burdens may have the greatest weight, and what is irrelevant to you might make all the difference to someone else.

Fake It 'Till You Make It by Christian Ortiz

There is no denying the immense impact that social media has had on the very fabric of society. The addictive nature of it has led some to hunt for likes and views, as though their very life depended on it. The means in which such people have sought to garner this attention varies, but one particularly sad way that has been more common, especially in the current climate of social turmoil, is termed “performative activism”. Now, the definition of “performative activism” that I am referring to is activism done with the sole purpose to increase one’s social capital (Tse et al., 2018). In other words, it’s when someone latches onto a cause in order to be seen in a more positive light by their followers.

This may seem as a non-issue for many people for two reasons: (1) we can’t actually tell the true intentions of someone by analyzing their social media feed and (2) if they are just doing it to improve their public image, isn’t it still doing the cause a great service by spreading awareness. My simple response to both those statements are no and no. A social media feed is extremely telling for one main reason, which is that it gives the masses a glimpse of what that person holds dearly (given that they are active on social media). People post about what they care about, and in the unique case of social media influencers, they also post what they get paid to post. Now, I am not insinuating that influencers cannot post about social issues because they don’t actually care about the issues. What I am saying is that in cases where the influencer posted about a particular issue for the sole purpose of gaining social credit, it is clear that that was their intention because after one or two posts on the issue, they will never talk about it again after the “interest” dies down.

As for the second reason that was brought up, this line of thought acts as a double-edged sword. I cannot deny that by the sheer size of some of these influencers’ following that even just talking about a social issue once can have a profoundly positive impact as a whole. These influencers are planting a seed in a lot of young people’s heads which is the first step in cultivating a societal shift. The issue that I have is that these followers, if they are not aware enough, may begin to idolize these influencers and gain a false sense of what it means to be socially active. You must be willing to practice what you preach, but this important message isn’t exactly obvious when only watching someone talk about an issue and then get thousands of likes and comments talking about how amazing of a person they are.

I am not advocating to get rid of social media or take away internet privileges to these influencers. However, I felt it was important to reiterate that not everything you see on social media is as it seems.

Reference

Tse, T., Leung, V., Cheng, K., & Chan, J. (2018). A clown, a political messiah or a punching bag? Rethinking the performative identity construction of celebrity through social media. Global Media and China, 3(3), 141–157.

Untitled by Xenia Gonikberg

Embrace by Samantha Samsel

A comparison that finally felt complete

my journal jammed packed

the final finished fragment

no room left to ruminate

memories, moments, mementos

pages packed with pain

lines longing for love

like leaving loneliness

ink imagining infinities 

mimics the magic that moved on

from me

its pain so deep it dips into childhood

craving my Mother’s hug holding me

the warmth wrapping me up

now

as a new Woman.

Jackson Pollock No. 18 (Addiction) by Maria Katechis

Jackson Pollock was famous for his abstract pieces, but many do not know that he suffered from many forms of mental illness, including depression and borderline schizophrenia. As a coping mechanism, Pollock turned to alcohol, which snowballed into an addiction. On August 11, 1956, he got into an accident while drunk driving, passing away along with one of his passengers, but he will be remembered forever through his artwork. His trademark was abstract splatter designs in vibrant colors, and he tended to gravitate towards darker themes. The chaotic, seemingly random nature of Pollock’s paintings reflects his inner turmoil living with mental illness and battling addiction. This painting called Number 18 captures the confusion and unpredictability that living with a mental illness can elicit. The element of movement in the painting from the black swirl-like lines also convey a sense of being lost or wandering, which is a feeling common to people fighting with mental illness. For Pollock, this can represent the hold alcohol had on his life and his tendency to deviate from a path to recovery, or it may symbolize the feelings of helplessness of individuals without proper support systems who do not know where to turn for help. His work can perhaps even be considered the visual representation or tangible embodiment of the abstract patterns of the mind. Regardless of his original intent, his powerful paintings speak to many who live with mental illness and have become a symbol of hope and understanding despite the tragic ending to his story.

References

Number 18. (n.d.). Retrieved April 29, 2021, from https://www.guggenheim.org/artwork/3484

Deveney, R. (2020, November 11). 5 world-famous artists and their drugs of choice.

An Artist’s Mind: The Portrayal of Schizophrenia by Pavani Kumar

Kate Fenner, a young artist, uses her art platform to portray the truths and misconceptions of schizophrenia. At the age of 17, Fenner was formally diagnosed with schizophrenia and applied her art as a way to help her navigate the mental illness. The subject of her art is often the hallucinations she experiences, which include bugs and different voices. Many of her pieces include flies as the subject which acts as a representation of Fenner’s self-esteem, symbolizing her feelings of worthlessness as the meaninglessness of flies. Fenner also speaks about the media’s role in largely silencing normal conversations about mental health and illness, which unfortunately has resulted in many individuals fearing to speak out about their illness as to not be shunned. Fenner’s art normalizes these conversations to show people another face of schizophrenia not dramatized by the media and to portray how those with schizophrenia manage their illness. While Fenner hopes to reduce the stigma around mental illnesses, she hopes her art can provide comfort to those who feel alone in battling their mental illness. 

All of these images are acquired from Fenner’s Instagram account. To check out more of her art, you can visit her page @awkwardapostrophe.

References

Moss, R. (2017, April 20). Artist with schizophrenia illustrates what it's like to experience hallucinations. HuffPost UK. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/artist-with-schizophrenia-illustrates-what-its-like-to-experience-hallucinations_uk_58f88424e4b0cb086d7e3bf4

Dissociative Identity Disorder Artwork by Kim Noble and Alters by julia chivu

Kim Noble is a talented artist who has Dissociative Identity Disorder  (DID). DID is a rare disorder that is usually diagnosed after experiencing traumatic events during childhood. This disorder is also characterized by an individual having two or more unique personalities. The artist has 13 alternate personalities aside from her own, where each takes complete control over her body at random times. Each alternate also has their own unique artistic style and preferences over color use. Kim Noble and her alternates’ work have been showcased in over 60 exhibitions throughout the world. The artist has appeared in various TV and radio shows, and has written an autobiography called “All of me” where she details her experiences with DID.

To see more art from Kim Noble and from each alternate can be found on:  http://www.kimnobleartist.com/about.html  

References

Our work. KIM NOBLE. (n.d.). Retrieved November 9, 2022, from http://www.kimnobleartist.com/our-work.html 

What are dissociative disorders? Psychiatry.org - What Are Dissociative Disorders? (n.d.). Retrieved November 9, 2022, from https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/dissociative-disorders/what-are-dissociative-disorders 

Defaced Art by the Proudfoot Brothers By Pavani Kumar

Eddie and Charlie Proudfoot are two brothers who have grown up together in the face of foster care, psychiatric hospitals, and incarceration. Living together in the Lower East Side, New York, both brothers express themselves using their art which is composed on magazines, advertising posters, and newspapers found on the streets or donated by neighbors. Their work is uniquely constructed as all portraits are marred and show some aspect of disfiguration. The brothers do not share their past or current in explicit detail; however, they have mentioned how their art is a form of therapy for themselves to maintain their mental illnesses. While they maintain their own semblance of isolation from the outside world, Eddie and Charlie use their art as an extension of who they are.  

References

Vandal Gallery. (n.d.). Eddie-and-Charlie-Proudfoot-in-collaboration-with-Mason-Storm. https://vandalgallery.art/collections/eddie-charlie-proudfoot/eddie-charlie-proudfoot

WE’ve Always Been At War By Kelsey Quinn

From the moment our mothers force us into this world,

we are at war. 

We just don’t know it yet.

We get suited up for battle in our pretty pink outfits,

even if we’d rather reside on the blue side.

The blue boys don’t aim at their own troops.

So, why do we?

Why is it that when we see other women's bodies,

we grab our weapons and prepare to strike?

Pointed at ourselves, we fire.

Bullets pierce our minds.

Explosions of hate.

Leave us wondering why we don’t look like her.

That’s what they wanted, what they had planned.

They keep us right where they want us.

Desperate and damaged and dutiful and dying.

Dying to love ourselves in a place

where we are taught the opposite.

Taught that your womanhood is measured in your

desirability.

For the man decides if you are worthy.

And as easy as he gives you that status,

he will cruelly take it away.

No one prepares you for it. 

For the comments to go from “eat a cheeseburger”

to “well you’re always out eating and eating.”

Not even your mother warns you;

because she’s the one impaling you with her words.

Her words, and her looks, 

and her face in every stranger that dares to glance your way.

My body is not a trend

for you to accept.

I didn’t volunteer myself to war.

And neither did you.

06.87 rolling water, dreadful weight - James Lee Chiahan By Maggie Wang

Mental illness, at its core, expands beyond written definitions and monochrome guidelines; it is an experience as unique as our individual minds in which they inhabit. Art: the medium through which the abstract colors and concepts in our minds are woven together and made tangible, can be as direct or metaphorical as its creator commands.

Although I do not remember the exact circumstances during which I first stumbled upon this piece, it’s almost safe to assume that it was probably late on night on a weekday, during which I was alone in my room or the living room, while the rest of the house remained dark and unheated (as is standard in any Asian household past 11pm). 06.87 rolling water, dreadful weight by illustrator James Lee Chiahan is a sketch of graphite and charcoal etched on 5 by 8.25 inches of paper. It depicts a figure partially submerged under a veil of invisible “water,” their face split by harsh lines of negative space and pulled by invisible currents that flow throughout the lines of the piece. Although the exact notions behind this work haven’t been publicly disclosed by the author, 06.87 rolling water, dreadful weight holds a special place in my heart for what it meant––and continues to mean––to me when I first encountered it, when my mental health was struggling to keep afloat. It is works like rolling water, as well as films like Everything, Everywhere, All At Once, and BEEF, that seem to so accurately depict my deepest sentiments.

When looking at this piece, I first see the figure’s expression. Though her eyes are downturned and her nose is held rigidly straight-forwards, solid and still, the slight of eyebrow fixated above her eyelids is slightly curved upwards towards one end, morphing her expression into one of soft grief or suffering––a motif that continues and throughout the rest of the piece through Chiahan's use of lines, which seem to curve and bend continuously downwards as if pulled down by an unstoppable, constant weight that blends itself into the varying brightness of his pencil line. This weight is strong enough to ultimately carry the motion of the piece, but slight enough so that it is woven into becoming an intrinsic part of the work rather than a centerpiece. This grief, which originates in her eyebrow, extends downwards, past the shut lid, and down into a dark mass below her shut eye, amalgamating in a mass resembling tears––a dark stain that has accumulated and formed on an otherwise pale face. The figure’s face, in contrast to the dark, billowing wisps of hair which surround her, is rather light in comparison, highlighting and illuminating herself alone, the lone subject of this piece that seems to balance in a state of melting limbo.

Focusing our gaze upwards, we may note her hair––thin and distressed in sharper angles and flyaway strands. She is stressed and losing herself to the flow of the piece, which unravels outwards, away from her in an effect akin to ink dissipating in water. Rather than break apart in a bold, dramatic explosion of strife, there is a sense of longevity that is being conveyed as the figure slowly seems to be melting away in a gradual succumbing.

One of the things I especially admire about this work is how it is divided by negative space. One of the more noticeable aspects of this is the sharp line that seems to split the figure’s face below her nose and right above where her mouth would be. This detail, combined with the general flow and very name of the piece (“rolling water”) does a great job in communicating the sense of silent drowning experienced by the figure. The matter of whether she is unwilling or unable to speak is removed from consideration in the submersion, or absence, of her mouth altogether. It is around this part of the piece, as well, that you notice her hair is oddly fractured by invisible, unnatural blocks as strands start and end in discontinuous pieces. In fact, the piece itself seems to become more “abstract” as you travel downwards as the once clear details of what is unmistakably a head transition into disarrayed blocks of wisps, plumes, and empty space that cut-off, intersect, and go nowhere. The smoke-like strands that flow below the figure originating at the corner of where her head has seemingly been sliced perpendicularly could be understood as hair pieces, apart of the mass above, or blood, the very essence of her life draining away from her behind the invisible walls constructed by Chiahan’s white space. Despite this, the figure is still held in a state of living, denoted by the darker blotches of blush rough below her eye––though those too seem to be fading away.

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Unrelated to the meaning or my interpretation of the work, I also greatly admire the technical skill of the piece. I’m really fond of the cleanliness of his lines and how nicely they flow while also somehow creating discernable “squares” of varying intensities of light here and there. I also appreciate how you can notice how the page itself has become sort of muddied from the smudging of charcoal and graphite being manipulated on the canvas–something I think is moreso a physical momento of the time and effort an artist puts into a work.

Regardless of an author’s intentions behind a work––whether something they create be for themselves or for others to find meaning in, for example––I think that our capacity for art creation and interpretation as a medium of communication is a miracle as it gives way for the creation of communities in solidarity; the very medium of art itself serves as a means to unburden oneself of difficult emotions that we may not otherwise be able to enunciate via plain word.

References

Chiahan, J.L. (2021). 06.87 rolling water dreadful weight [Illustration]. Twitter. https://twitter.com/buttmcbutt/status/1422653840453685249