Zoe St.
Samia Shahnawaz
My experience with mental illness started around twelve years old, when I was in the sixth grade. It started out quite small with simple comparisons between myself and the girls around my age. They were said to be prettier, skinnier, and attracted more attention from boys than I did. It made me feel like I was beneath them and I wanted to be more popular and pretty like they were. This was the beginning of my problems with self-esteem because from then I always felt like I was different. During this time my own mother would make such comparisons, wishing that I was “more like him” or “more like her”. She was the only one who really compared me to others but it hurt more than anything because all I wanted was to be good enough for her. In the seventh grade I started having anxiety, which - twenty-six now- is something I still fight with every day, but it has gotten better. My self-esteem is even worse now. I never got over that fact that I’ve always wanted to be better. I've gained A LOT of weight and it really hurts to look at myself in the mirror.
“My family always LOVED me unconditionally. I felt it, and knew it every day. I was very lucky to be in such a great family and have a dad who KNEW and UNDERSTOOD how I felt. ”
My family has really been the foundation that has helped through my ordeals. We’ve had our ups and downs of course, but they were the only one I could always count and rely on. My family always LOVED me unconditionally. I felt it, and knew it every day. I was very lucky to be in such a great family and have a dad who KNEW and UNDERSTOOD how I felt. I saw a lot of psychiatrists during my childhood, almost too many in my personal opinion. They help a little, but at the time I wasn't ready to make all the effort and work they'd propose me to do. However, my dad always knew what to tell me. He could calm me down and helped me build myself up through support. My mom always felt helpless with me and she couldn't understand what I was going through. We were both negative people, so it was hard for her to be there for me.
My advice to others would be to ground yourself to someone. Look toward the future because there is one for you! You gotta keep living to see it. Amazing things are coming around. My family kept me grounded to the world. I knew I had to stay alive for them. It would kill them to lose me.
“Look toward the future because there is one for you! You gotta keep living to see it.”
Some of my hobbies include listening to music and making YouTube videos. Lately I’ve doing more of just "talks" videos, just to show who I am. Being me, trying to talk about me and mental health a lot. I made some "haul" videos on things that I buy because it's a popular thing and I love to shop.