Wanita M.
Samia Shahnawaz
I have had depression the majority of my life starting at ten years old. There was a triggering experience in which I was sitting in group therapy because I tried to commit suicide a few weeks before and as the other people spoke and the counselor said what was considered “normal and not normal” to others. It was then that I realized most of my life I had been depressed. My family did their best to understand and be there for me. Someone told me to drink orange juice (which I found quite funny). I couldn't really explain things to them without them saying it's not that bad, because I didn’t want them to worry so much. They love me but just didn't understand. I did see a counselor and took medication, which ultimately made me feel like I was losing myself. Group therapy helped but I felt like a zombie due to the medicine I was on. I couldn't even remember my favorite color or keep my eyes open. However, through psychotherapy I learned some skills that went deeper with learning about myself and ways of resolution for my life. Going on my journey inward to love myself made the most difference.
“Group therapy helped but I felt like a zombie due to the medicine I was on. I couldn’t even remember my favorite color or keep my eyes open. ”
Fighting and pushing forward has helped me with my depression to help others. It's what fuels me, why I'm still here and have not taken my own life. I realize that my story can help others including my children. If they experience depression then they will have a real example to follow of how to handle it and someone to talk to. I want to show others that an average person can manage depression. I'm no actor, no supermodel, or anyone considered super special. I have suffered hardship though, such as being sexualized by five, physically and mentally abused by a parent, teen mom of two by fourteen, almost a prostitute, selling drugs, in domestically violent situations in most of my relationships, unable to read, etc. I always thought if everyone hated me it must be me that is the problem, not the things around me. But at some point three years ago I decided “No more.” I must live and my story of life will be help others. Today I am a business owner and have three bodybuilding championship wins. I am also a life coach, fitness trainer, and a better mom.
“I realize that my story can help others including my children. If they experience depression then they will have a real example to follow of how to handle it and someone to talk to.”
My advice to others would be that the key in all of this is being the best version of yourself. Do not look at others, but look in yourself and allow yourself to heal. Knowing that you matter, knowing that you fight forward helps others to heal themselves. Things you can do to start healing include starting a workout routine, listening to videos on YouTube about laziness, procrastination, overeating and take from them what you need as an individual. Also look for videos or audio books on how to overcome fear, be your best self. (A hint is all the books teach you the same thing- that you need to know who you are). You have the ability to create the best you. A super version of you. I have created super version of myself and you can be your own version of “Super Me”. Forget Batman and Super Woman- be Super You! It looks better on you.
“Knowing that you matter, knowing that you fight forward helps others to heal themselves.”
Some of my hobbies and interests are that I love to workout, as well as read and challenge myself beyond my normal limits. It's my own personal game of life.