Richard B.
Neha Kinariwalla
My experience with depression and bipolar disorder first started at the age of 15 when I was a freshman in high school. Around that time I first started to experience suicidal thoughts. I felt very alone, and although some people considered me their friend, I felt like I had no one to talk to. I did my best to live a "normal" life but depression felt like a black cloud hovering me. My faith along with my family and friends have been a constant support through my experience living with a mental illness. Although I am currently not on medication, I also have to give quite a bit of credit to my doctors, therapists, medication, and my hospitalizations. Those first hospitalizations got me on the right track, and I'm forever grateful that I made the decision to speak up after my first and only suicide attempt.
Common misconceptions about my illness are people saying, "It's all in your head." Thanks, tell me something I don't know. That's frustrating to hear because people think I can just flip a switch and everything will be okay. Another misconception is that people think there's something wrong with me when I tell them I have bipolar disorder and suffer from anxiety. It's like they start to walk on eggshells around me and treat me like I'm fragile. I'm fine, I'm not going to break. I'm a strong person. People seem to forget that I'm a person, and not an illness.
“ People seem to forget that I’m a person, and not an illness. ”
There are so many things that define me outside of my illness. I love watching movies, reading, writing/journaling, playing video games and basketball, listening to music, meditating, and spending time with my nieces and nephews. I also like to volunteer when I have the time.
If you are struggling with something similar, I would recommend you find somebody to talk to— whether that's a friend or family member. Also, strongly consider getting professional help. When I opened up doctors, therapists, and counselors, they all told me the same thing. They said, "You made the right choice by opening up and getting help." I was too depressed to see it back then but they were absolutely right. Give therapy and medication a try because it truly works wonders.
Be patient. You're not going to get better over night. When you do get better and have stability, you will still encounter struggles and bad days just like everyone else in this road. Keep going and don't let that discourage you.
Lastly, remember to practice self-love. I struggled by searching for love through friends, co-workers, women I dated, and even through materialism, but I ultimately realized I was trying to fill a void inside of me. It's easy to get caught up on what someone else has but remember to love yourself. Nobody has a life better than yours.