Jessie B.

My name is Jessie and I am a Mental Health Warrior. I have depression, anxiety and have previously battled with an eating disorder. Mental illness has been a part of my life since I was eight years old. Quite honestly, I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t battling my own mind.

I was silently suffering from depression and generalized anxiety. I had stopped eating when I was twelve, I secluded myself and stopped doing the things I loved, like hanging out with my friends and dancing. I wanted to tell someone, but I was stuck in this internal dialogue that this was my problem. I thought that I was doing this to myself. Little did I know that this was something I was susceptible to due to my environment and genetic make-up.

Mental illness runs on both sides of my families, something which I now know. To this day, my father struggles with alcohol addiction, as did his father. My mom’s side is prone to anxiety. Growing up with an alcoholic father left me with a less than desirable environment to live in.

I knew that my mind worked differently than other kids. My mom was constantly working, trying to make ends meet so she could provide for her three children. My father was an alcoholic and his parents, who lived with us at the time, were both verbally and physically abusive. I knew that I had a lot more stress in my life than the average eight-year-old, but I had no clue what this would mean for me down the road. I had grown up in an environment where loud yelling and fighting were a constant. I lived in a state of fear and anxiety. 

Once my parents separated, that feeling of anxiety stuck. I was relieved that I didn’t have to live with the abuse, but my mind and way of thinking had been permanently changed. I was on edge, had frequent mood swings and had an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. I never told my mom because she already had so much on her plate and I didn't want to burden her further. I hid it from my friends because I was afraid that they would think I was weak or think I was doing this for attention. 

It was hard for me to reach out for help at first. I was terrified of the stigma and judgement I would face. One day, I was watching a presentation with 4,000 other students in my university’s gym. A young student at my university spoke about his experience with mental illness and stress during his first year at university. The story felt like it was a mirror of my own. I was inspired by how open he was about his struggle and how he spoke of recovering. It gave me hope. It made me realize that my mental health was nothing to be ashamed of.
 

“Everyone’s journey isn’t the same. It can be tough, but recovery is possible.”

Everyone's journey isn't the same. It can be tough, but recovery is possible. Mental health is a spectrum. We move between healthy and struggling daily, monthly and yearly. We need to make sure we take care of ourselves through self-care and reaching out for help when we need it, whether it be a doctor, counsellor or a friend.