Linda K.
Samia Shahnawaz
My illness began at nineteen years old. This was the first time I experienced my depression. My mom died when I was thirteen years old and I kept a lot of my emotions in from that and other experiences in my life. There was no specific trigger to my depression so I felt that it was a build up from all of the things from my past. I was scared to tell my dad about the depression at first, especially the details, like suicidal thoughts. I told him before I even started therapy, but he wasn't really understanding at first. That sort of grew gradually. Anxiety is more visible than depression, shaking instead of just looking lazy for example, so he understands more that I'm really fighting my thoughts and not just being weak and lazy He ended up being super supportive.
I went to therapy and got better pretty fast. I think my therapist helped me to talk about it and go outside my room again and be around my friends. I think being around my friends mostly made me suppress my feelings again by drinking lots of alcohol. That's probably why I relapsed so quickly
“I realized that recovering isn’t possible in two months of therapy and that the underlying issues were still there. ”
When I turned twenty, I felt myself already falling back into depression. I realized that recovering isn't possible in two months of therapy and that the underlying issues were still there. Recovery takes time, so I took another year off from university. I was put on medication as well as seeing a counselor. I've been taking citalopram and mirtazapine for nearly two years now, both of which aid in preventing me from falling into a very deep depression. I still get down, but not so depressed that I get suicidal thoughts anymore. Last year, I started running and I find that it helps me so much!
This year, I started having anxiety. I realized that what I was experiencing in high school were also anxiety attacks, but the doctors never understood what it was. I've started group therapy (schema therapy) for social anxiety and AvPD (avoidant personality disorder) a few weeks ago. I'm in that group for 30 weeks and so far I love the support and recognition of the others struggling with anxiety. Recovery isn't something you can rush, but I've decided it shouldn't keep me from trying new things! I started running in June 2015 and last week I started the bbg program! I also like to be creative, like paint boxes or wrap presents. I also love to do good. Last week I wrote 30 cards to anonymous lonely elderly people. Helping people with small things is what makes me truly happy.
“Recovery isn’t something you can rush, but I’ve decided it shouldn’t keep me from trying new things! ”
My advice for others would be to open up. People might be more understanding than you'd expect. I found a lot of support online, where there's others going through the same thing as me. And don't be afraid to ask for help!