Fi

I started having bipolar symptoms when I was 9 but my family didn't take me to doctor until I was 15. When I saw a doctor, I was told I was a liar and it was just teenage angst. I was having auditory hallucinations and had delusions that I needed to kill myself because I was evil. It was a scary time. I self harmed and spent a lot of my time in very deep depression. I ended up shop lifting because I thought i was untouchable. I know that sounds crazy but thats how I felt.

I was misdiagnosed with depression, then schizophrenia, then depression again, and finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 27. I was angry for a really long time because it was very frustrating and i felt like no one was listening. I lied about my hypomania and said my psychosis was all the time when it was only when I was depressed. I ended up hiding my struggles and it made things much worse.

A great support network of friends and family really helped me through this experience. It was also important for my family to be educated about bipolar disorder. Great psychiatrists, my medication and months of counseling helped as well. Just the knowledge that I’m not a evil person and I didn’t ask for this but I do my best to be my best. This sentence is really interesting. In regards to my delusions, I truly believed I was evil. When I was medicated and could then see it was a delusion it was a very emotional time for me. I was 28 and only just then began to love myself. I never asked to have bipolar disorder but I can live with it

Its okay to get help; be ok with asking for help. Take time out for yourself and keep trying even if it feels like you are getting nowhere. Things may get better but they may also get worse, so try to prepare for that.