Morgan

Morgan chose not to submit a headshot. We respect the rights of patients to preserve their privacy.

I think I always had the signs of an anxiety disorder, growing up with a lot of trauma. My father raised me on his own until I was eight, all while battling a drug addiction and mental illness. His heroin/ meth/ pill addiction got so bad that he developed schizophrenic symptoms, and by the time I was fifteen and living with other relatives, he was completely delusional and paranoid; not the father I knew. When I was fifteen, my depression had fully developed. My father died from an overdose when I was seventeen, while I attended a boarding school, and that set off my depression after recovery and led to me starving myself as a distraction.

I was numb for years. In college, I didn't think I had a problem, but I let people hurt me, and I hated myself. I let people use me, and I was never thin enough or good enough to love myself. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship because I thought that's all I deserved. As 19, my generalized anxiety disorder came into full swing. I suffered from horribly intense panic attacks for no reason, that led me to isolate myself from others. I thought I was developing schizophrenia like my dad, despite his being drug induced. I spent the next two years trying to "naturally" cope with anxiety without meds because I was in denial that I needed more help. At 21, I suffered the most intense anxiety of my life. It led to depression that kept me from functioning. I almost dropped out of college. After being unable to get myself on the right medication out of fear, and unable to think clearly through the depression, I thought the only way out of the suffering was to end my life. I wasn't able to eat, sleep, or be around others. I cried constantly. I would wake up in the middle of the night already having a panic attack, and they would last a couple hours. It was a miracle when I went to an inpatient center for a month; I finally got put on the right medication, my panic attacks stopped, and my depression went away as a result. The people I met and help I got allowed me to get better. Six months later, and I have an apartment, job, and a happy relationship. I will always need meds and treatment, but I am able to live happily managing my anxiety disorder and depression. Everyone can heal, it's hard work, but it's worth everything.

The things that have helped me have been medication, therapy, loved ones, exercise and eating right, keeping myself busy, having pets, reading, and setting and achieving goals.

“Everyone can heal, it’s hard work, but it’s worth everything.”

If you reach the point where your anxiety and depression are disabling you and keeping you from living, take the advice of professionals. I was too scared to get on medication for a long time and thought I knew what was best for me, but I didn't. There is nothing wrong with having an anxiety disorder, and it IS possible to feel normal again, even with intense anxiety and a history of depression and trauma. The hardest part is the beginning of your treatment, but it will let you get your life and happiness back.