Liam G.
Neha Kinariwalla
My first experience with depression started back when I was in year 10 at school in 2014 when my step dad suddenly passed away on Christmas Day. He stopped breathing. I know a bit of First Aid from when I attended army cadets I tried to give him CPR and save his life but couldn't. This really hit me hard because I’d never had to deal with such a close personal death before.
I had a girlfriend at the time who self harmed quite regularly, and combined with dealing with my step-father's death, I was feeling low and started hearing unknown voices in my head saying my step-dads death was my fault because I couldn’t save him. I started to believe these voices and they would tell me to harm myself, so I did. I started self harming now and then with a sharp knife but it just wasn’t good enough so I started using razor blades to go deeper.
After a while my depressive symptoms started to go away due to me getting a job, gathering a good group of friends, going out for drinks with them, and doing stuff friends do... I guess all that kind of took my mind off things for a while. But depression returned about eight months ago when my dad, who I lived with, was sent to prison for seven months. I decided to take on the place we lived in and pay the rent and bills. I had to work a huge amount of hours in overtime at work. To relive myself of all the stress I started self harming again and became severely depressed and began hearing these voices again in my head. This time, telling me to end my life so I didn’t have to struggle any more. One night, I came back from work and took an overdose of 30 tablets and severely cut all my arms and my friend who knew about my situation called an ambulance and I was taken to hospital and told I wasn’t safe enough to leave. The decision was made to informally commit me to a psychiatric hospital for people aged 18-25. I was there for about 15 days and was then discharged, but these voices and thoughts were just not going away. I jumped out of a first floor window ran to the local shop and purchased 4 boxes of painkiller and I took another overdose of 80 tablets and collapsed in the street. I was already known to mental health services and I was grabbed by police who had been out looking for me. They called an ambulance and I was unresponsive until I was put on a reversible drip. I woke up in a hospital, and the decision was then made that I wasn’t safe or fit enough to take care of myself. I was then placed in Section 2 under the Mental Health Act of 1983 to the hospital I had previously been in and I was there for about 17 days again. I was then discharged even though I was telling them I’m just going to try and end my life again. I ran away from my mothers care and tried to jump of a railway bridge but was tackled down by my friend who chased after me and I was took to place of safety by police and ambulance. I was placed in Section 136 under the police's care and the decision was then made to place me in Section 2 me again, but this time to a psychiatric intensive care unit and was discharged just after a weekend stay and put under home treatment team while trying to cope at home.
I tried to escape twice from my first hospital and was deemed a high risk patient. I spent most of my time in one to one care with a health care assistant sat outside my room 24/7 and following me around wherever I went. I escaped from my last hospital, and was put back on to one on one care before I was then released, I am now out of hospital with numerous medications. I have to say my mom has been my main support through the whole thing visiting me every day in hospital, making sure I’m on the right medications, making sure I was fed and looked after, and most importantly, on the way to getting better. The staff at the hospitals have also helped me and been there through the whole process have been amazing. They really don’t get shown enough how amazing they are.
“I’m thinking positive, on the mend, and on the road to recovery. ”
Some of Liam's artwork
I'm thinking positive, on the mend, and on the road to recovery. I have a mental health instagram and am doing lots of charity work for the Mental Health Foundation and raising money for the charity to help people in my situation and raise awareness. Like I’ve always said “it’s easier said than done” and I will always say that because as someone who’s going through mental illness, it’s genuinley a really hard battle trying to get on the straight and narrow and to a positive mindset. My advice would be just accept the help your given, try think positive, and just keep on battling every single day as hard as you can because battling with your own mind isn’t easy at all. I love drawing, designing and electronics and most of all music, using and listening to music when you have mental health problems is a huge player because it blocks out so much stuff that’s going through your mind and it really does help.
If you have a suspicion someone is going through mental health issues, just let them know you're there for them, and just take it easy on them because letting someone know your there to support them can make a big difference and it don’t cost nothing to just be there for someone.