Darshak Z.

It's not easy, but it must be done. There isn’t a perfect way to go about it... there really isn’t. And for a while I was stuck on that— how do I perfectly articulate what I mean to say? The more time I spent on this perfection, the farther I got away from the whole intention of sharing my story. And I think now I come to realize perfection isn’t to be sought after, but the very fact you are willing to do something about it is what makes a difference for yourself and maybe for someone else. Each one of us has that one thing we seek to present in a very careful way because it matters a lot to us. Mine happens to be about mental health.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for last couple of years. I am at a much better place now and have learnt and continue to learn better ways to cope with it. When I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I took a while to fully accept I have something like this. My own version of how I saw myself changed completely because I had never looked at myself in that light. I spent many days trapped in my mind with a zealous attitude of overthinking things. There were days I could not get out of bed easily and had to call in sick at work. I recognized physical changes like lack of appetite, high blood pressure, and losing weight. I recognized I could not function like this for a long term and decided to talk with my personal doctor. To this day I am very thankful for that doctor for sitting down with me for over an hour to truly listen to me and it was that very first time I felt I was being understood. What began from that point onwards was a road to recovery and a better realization that there is nothing weak or wrong with who I am and what I have gone through. 

As I write this today, I realize how fortunate I have been in dealing with this illness with the support of many individuals. My family and friends who stood by me gave me the strength to never give up and help me recognize I will always be loved for who I am. I am truly grateful for my therapists who have given me the time and attention with actual coping mechanisms to deal with my mental illness. I am truly indebted to the many authors and speakers I came across that spurred my positivity in those darker times and continue doing so.

When I started to seek out help, I received help in abundance.

Darshak Z

The Humanology Project

It stands as a testament that when I started to seek out help I received help in abundance. The hard part was accepting and realizing that this helplessness isn’t the norm and that I can most definitely be doing better. I know it is very easy to spiral out into that vicious cycle, but each of us, I believe, has the spirit and strength to pump our chests and walk tall even amidst that darkness. 

I would like to conclude with a quote that really resonated with me from Coach Carter and gave me the courage to write about my journey through this mental illness.
 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecured around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”